Sometimes when people get bad or good news or any news, for that matter, they hold it close to their heart. They let it sink in and marinade for a while before sharing it, even then, with only the closest of friends. God has never given me that ability. He has never blessed me with the skill of secrecy (as many of the people closest to me know). I have this need to get my emotional frustrations off my chest immediately- trapping me in if I don't. Of course this method of message delivery comes with consequences. I blurt out things way too fast and my words are out for the world to know and never return to my personal thoughts, sometimes hurting people in the process. But it has also come with many blessings. I make friends, good friends, quickly. I connect and identify with others and it somehow lessens my burden. I have come to realize that one of my gifts from God is this need and ability to connect with people. Today I'm in much need of burden lessen-ing.
This morning Chris and I headed to our 22 week ultrasound appointment. I'm not typically a worrier, so I assumed everything would be exciting and boring. Nothing about this appointment was boring. The sonographer checked out all the usual body parts and took measurements. "BG" (baby Gifford) is very wiggly and hard to tie down. We "ooooh-ed" and "aaahh-ed" at what seemed to be another hyper active child in my womb. When our sonographer got to the lungs she saw something that looked "different" to her. She told us that one of the lungs looked larger and lighter on the scan than the other. Then she went to get my doctor. That's when I knew something was wrong. My doctor immediately suggested I see a high risk pregnancy specialist and didn't give me hardly any information. He set the appointment up with the specialist within the hour. This made me even more worried. We drove strait to the specialist office where I was greeted with a very kind and thorough staff.
BG has been diagnosed with Type 3 Cystic Adenomatoid Malformation of the Lung (CCAM). It is a very rare lung malformation. So rare that it only occurs in about 1 in 25,000 pregnancies.
Basically what that means is one of BG's lung lobes (there are 3 lobes total) is abnormally large and not developing properly, so large that BG's heart is being pushed to the right side. 40-50% of the time the lung lobe clears up prior to delivery. It is imperative that the lung clears prior to delivery. There is no in utero surgery to fix this problem (type 3 CCAM). If BG comes prior to the lung clear up it will most likely be fatal. Doctor's orders are to surround myself with positivity and a Stress free environment (quite the task after a day like today). He told me that yoga can cut pregnancy stress in half or something crazy like that and that I'm supposed to eat a lot of eggs and broccoli for the choline that has some type of stress reliever in it.
Today I received a steroid shot that can help decrease the lung's size. I will be given another shot tomorrow. I will be given ultrasounds weekly to monitor the lung and heart. The doctor should be able to see in 2-4 weeks if the lung is decreasing in size or getting bigger. Pre term labor is not an option which makes me even more of a risky case because of my premature delivery with Siege. I will definitely be delivering at Summerlin hospital because it has a level 3 NICU. Anything that can lead to preterm labor is out of the question.
We are devastated. I think I saw my husband cry for the 3rd time in our 10 year relationship. And he saw me cry for the 10th time today. Our emotions are beat up. Just last week I was telling Chris that our life was a little "too" perfect- too good to be true and that I kept feeling like some loom of darkness was about to hit at any moment. So it has.
We are praying every second that this miracle child will be a little fighter and hang in there long enough for this lung malformation to clear. But we find comfort knowing that BG is in God's hands and control. I hope that, when the day comes, I can be strong enough to accept that.
We could really use some extra prayers right now.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Sweating bullets already...
May 15 in Las Vegas and it feels like summer is really upon us. I keep telling Chris that I'm not sure how I'm going to make it this summer. The heat is already pretty much unbearable to me (unless we're in the pool) and we haven't even hit 100 yet. I'm in trouble and so is our electricity bill.
Speaking of pool, we have been swimming quite a bit already. Abuelita found some really great toys for Siege to play with while he's swimming at her house and every time we head over there he runs strait for the pool. He seems to have gotten his fear of cold water from daddy though. While other toddlers that we have our play dates with dive right in, it definitely takes Siege a little longer to adjust and start having fun. I'm going to get him a new floaty for the pool today and see what he thinks of it.
I am absolutely loving Siege's new independent stage. He can actually entertain himself for a while now. He loves his ipad, the backyard, his giant leggos, tools, and marble track.
Lately he's really started to love his books. I've always read him stories before nap time and bed time, but recently he's gotten picky and wants to read only certain ones. His favorite story is, "I'm a big brother" and he's constantly signing "more" each time I finish it. I'm hoping his love of books and stories continues. It would be really great to have a little reader.
In other news, we have finally gotten rid of the pacifier. Hallelujah! It was one really tough day and a few nights of having to put him back in his bed, but besides that it wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be. I love NOT having to bring a binkie with me everywhere I go. The next big task will be moving rooms and transitioning from his crib to a toddler bed.
The older and more independent that Siege gets the more I find myself feeling like I can handle a little more on my plate. Come September I'm adding quite a bit to my plate, because not only will I be having a brand new baby (that I'm hoping will be a perfect little angel), but I've also committed to a bible study group that will be once a week and I've taken on a leadership position with my MOPS group that I love so much. I'm going to be in charge of putting together the curriculum for the little ones that attend childcare while their mommy's attend the meetings. Joining MOPS is really one of the biggest reasons why I enjoy staying at home with Siege so much. I've met so many great women and formed so many new friendships. It gives me an outlet to vent my frustrations and an opportunity to learn a ton about motherhood. I'm really looking forward to the following school year and becoming part of the MOPS leadership team.
Baby Gifford (in the belly) is kicking away at this point. I've forgotten what a great feeling that is and how much more real it makes pregnancy.
My sister in law graduated from law school this past weekend. The ceremony was beautiful and it was such a proud moment for all of us. It's really been inspirational to watch her journey from a first year law student to graduating with honors. She is definitely one of the most hard working/driven people I have ever known.
Before our big trip to Wyoming this July we've got a few little trips planned with friends. We are taking Siege camping for a few days in June and we're taking a quick trip to Utah soon. Lots to look forward to!
P.S. I've been really bad about taking pictures lately. This month I'm going to do much better! This is Siege figuring out he can take his own picture using the iPad.
Speaking of pool, we have been swimming quite a bit already. Abuelita found some really great toys for Siege to play with while he's swimming at her house and every time we head over there he runs strait for the pool. He seems to have gotten his fear of cold water from daddy though. While other toddlers that we have our play dates with dive right in, it definitely takes Siege a little longer to adjust and start having fun. I'm going to get him a new floaty for the pool today and see what he thinks of it.
I am absolutely loving Siege's new independent stage. He can actually entertain himself for a while now. He loves his ipad, the backyard, his giant leggos, tools, and marble track.
In other news, we have finally gotten rid of the pacifier. Hallelujah! It was one really tough day and a few nights of having to put him back in his bed, but besides that it wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be. I love NOT having to bring a binkie with me everywhere I go. The next big task will be moving rooms and transitioning from his crib to a toddler bed.
The older and more independent that Siege gets the more I find myself feeling like I can handle a little more on my plate. Come September I'm adding quite a bit to my plate, because not only will I be having a brand new baby (that I'm hoping will be a perfect little angel), but I've also committed to a bible study group that will be once a week and I've taken on a leadership position with my MOPS group that I love so much. I'm going to be in charge of putting together the curriculum for the little ones that attend childcare while their mommy's attend the meetings. Joining MOPS is really one of the biggest reasons why I enjoy staying at home with Siege so much. I've met so many great women and formed so many new friendships. It gives me an outlet to vent my frustrations and an opportunity to learn a ton about motherhood. I'm really looking forward to the following school year and becoming part of the MOPS leadership team.
Baby Gifford (in the belly) is kicking away at this point. I've forgotten what a great feeling that is and how much more real it makes pregnancy.
My sister in law graduated from law school this past weekend. The ceremony was beautiful and it was such a proud moment for all of us. It's really been inspirational to watch her journey from a first year law student to graduating with honors. She is definitely one of the most hard working/driven people I have ever known.
Before our big trip to Wyoming this July we've got a few little trips planned with friends. We are taking Siege camping for a few days in June and we're taking a quick trip to Utah soon. Lots to look forward to!
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